{"id":1007,"date":"2020-10-18T08:26:15","date_gmt":"2020-10-18T15:26:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/?p=1007"},"modified":"2020-10-21T00:28:32","modified_gmt":"2020-10-21T07:28:32","slug":"9-things-happy-couples-never-ever-say-to-each-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/9-things-happy-couples-never-ever-say-to-each-other\/","title":{"rendered":"9 Things Happy Couples Never, Ever Say to Each Other"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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It\u2019s inevitable \u2014 in any\u00a0marriage\u00a0or\u00a0relationship, no matter how positive or\u00a0healthy, you are eventually going to say something you regret. The key is to make sure that, whatever you say, you don\u2019t regret it\u00a0too\u00a0<\/i>much. There\u2019s a difference between putting your foot in your mouth and pulling the pin on a hand-grenade that can completely blow up your relationship. This is an important distinction to understand: Happy couples fight because of course they do. But they learn what they shouldn\u2019t say in the heat of the moment. Out of\u00a0respect, they understand what lines shouldn\u2019t be crossed.<\/p>

\u201cOver time, partners learn about what to say that is acceptable and unacceptable, as well as where the line exists between the two,\u201d says\u00a0Andrew Aaron, LICSW, a marriage counselor, sex therapist and relationship therapist. He says that successful couples draw a strong line that they refuse to cross regarding respect, and that they will not act or talk disrespectfully to each other. \u201cBut for couples who have not been able to maintain their happiness, perhaps because mutual hurtfulness has eroded their goodwill or sufficient resentment has accumulated, they act from their pain with an intent to hurt the other.\u201d<\/p>

In any relationship, there are lines drawn that should not be crossed. Those in committed, happy relationships understand this. But, as a refresher course is always helpful, we consulted with a variety of relationship experts to get a sense of the phrases that couples in happy relationships should never pull out in a marriage.<\/p>

\u201cGrow up!\u201d<\/h2>

This is a belittling phrase, but it also operates on the assumption that you are in the right and your partner is wrong, adding an element of\u00a0invalidation\u00a0as well. In short, assumes that however they are feeling is childish or wrong. A big mistake. \u201cThis will weaken your partners\u2019 self-esteem,\u201d says Shar Fuller, Relationship Expert & Co-Founder of the matchmaking service\u00a0Mai Tai, \u201cand if your ratio of positive and kind behaviors to negative interactions is out of kilter \u2014 five-to-one balance is what you\u2019re aiming for \u2014 you won\u2019t have a positive balance on your emotional bank account.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThis is your fault.\u201d<\/h2>

Whenever something goes wrong, there\u2019s a natural instinct to try and figure out what happened and why. This tends to lead to the assignation of blame, and most people\u2019s first instinct is not to point the finger at themselves. However, if you start laying it all at your partner\u2019s feet, then all you are doing is fostering\u00a0resentment\u00a0and\u00a0anger. \u201cAccusatory language makes us emotive and the logical explanation that you\u2019re seeking will not suffice,\u201d says Fuller. \u201cAvoid shifting blame or making conclusions based on your limited experience to prevent a buildup of resentment.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re pathetic.\u201d<\/h2>

Phrases like this tend to come out of a buildup of pain and bitterness that has accumulated over time. If you do not address the root of these emotions, they will come out in these contemptuous attacks. \u201cUnresolved, pain will run the relationship and these phrases are simply symptoms of internalized pain and anger,\u201d says Aaron. \u201cFor some partners of troubled relationships, what they say may be a carry-over from the culture of their family of origin or injuries caused in prior relationships. The internalized pain of partners has not always been accumulated from within the present relationship.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI never should have married you.\u201d<\/h2>

This is the kind of statement that can ruin a relationship in an instant. The suggestion that there is, or was, a better option out there will throw your partner into self-doubt and deeply wound their sense of character and self esteem. This is a tough one to come back from, so think about what might make you say something like this and deal with it before those words ever come out. \u201cThe statement has so much depth and if you haven\u2019t discussed the underlying issues that made you even think, it means that you might be ignoring or rationalising red flags in the relationship,\u201d says Fuller. \u201cIf there aren\u2019t unresolvable issues in your relationship never say this because it hurts and it\u2019s tough to repair the type of emotional pain that it causes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re a loser, but you are\u00a0my<\/em>\u00a0loser.\u201d<\/h2>

If this phrase, or any other such\u00a0sarcastic\u00a0volley, comes to mind, pause a second and examine it. Maybe your relationship is one where sarcasm is a second language. But how is this in any way a positive? Even if you think the second part of the phrase is endearing, all your partner will hear is \u201cYou\u2019re a loser.\u201d This isn\u2019t a playful dig; it\u2019s a hurtful, character-assassinating remark that has its roots in resentment. \u201cSarcasm is a manner of speaking in which anger-based expressions are veiled with humor,\u201d Aaron explains, \u201cso that the recipient has difficulty ascertaining the true intentions of the speaker and therefore less confident in a defensive reaction.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI wish I never listened to you.\u201d<\/h2>

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes poor choices. But it\u2019s important not to castigate your partner when a decision leads to an unfortunate outcome. At the end of the day, you both made the decision jointly, even if your partner may have persuaded you. By saying this, you are invalidating them and making them feel worthless and as though their thoughts and ideas are not worth considering. \u201cWe all want to know that every single part of us including our ideas are loved and valued,\u201d says Fuller. \u201cThis is another character assassination which seems harmless but actually end up making your partner defensive and less open to discussing new ideas and opportunities.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re just like your mother or father.\u201d<\/h2>

This one is doubly insulting because it not only degrades your partner, but it also takes a swing at a close relative. It\u2019s a low blow to dig into the character or negative attributes of someone\u2019s family and weaponize those attributes against your partner. Getting to know your partner\u2019s family means you\u2019ve been welcomed into his or her circle. \u201cDon\u2019t abuse the trust that you\u2019ve built up,\u201d says Fuller. Show your partner that you respect them and their family by removing this from your vocab.<\/p>

\u201cIf you don\u2019t do X,Y, Z it\u2019s over.\u201d<\/h2>

Ultimatums do not work in a relationship ever, especially when they come packaged with threats of abandonment. Throwing around threats like this make it look like your feelings for your partner are either disposable or not real at all. If your spouse feels like they\u2019re one mistake or one refusal to comply away from losing you, how can they feel secure in the relationship? \u201cThis sort of comment can have a lasting effect on your relationship because even if you don\u2019t finish it you\u2019ve already implied that they are not important in your life anymore,\u201d Fuller says. \u201cThis weakens the long-term emotional bond and is a minus two for that emotional bank account each time you say it. I hope you get the picture because it\u2019s pretty bleak.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m sorry that I\u2019m not good enough for you\u201d<\/h2>

Confidence is key in a relationship, and this display of a lack of confidence will lead to frustration. It also suggests an inflexibility or an unwillingness to change. \u201cThis is how I am, so if that\u2019s not good enough for you, then I can\u2019t help you.\u201d From a place like that, there is almost nowhere to go. \u201cThis sort of an argument is the low part of the emotional rollercoaster that you\u2019re both on,\u201d Fuller says, \u201cand the request for a sympathy vote will just dissipate because your partner may think that you\u2019ve got a lot of self-development to do but seem unwilling to start. It doesn\u2019t work because it\u2019s not a constructive argument and there is little opportunity for building a stronger relationship.\u201d<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s inevitable \u2014 in any\u00a0marriage\u00a0or\u00a0relationship, no matter how positive or\u00a0healthy, you are eventually going to say something you regret. The key is to make sure that, whatever you say, you don\u2019t regret it\u00a0too\u00a0much. There\u2019s a difference between putting your foot …<\/p>\nContinue reading<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1195,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-friends"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n9 Things Happy Couples Never, Ever Say to Each Other - My Juggler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/9-things-happy-couples-never-ever-say-to-each-other\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"9 Things Happy Couples Never, Ever Say to Each Other - My Juggler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s inevitable \u2014 in any\u00a0marriage\u00a0or\u00a0relationship, no matter how positive or\u00a0healthy, you are eventually going to say something you regret. 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