{"id":1541,"date":"2021-02-05T14:03:46","date_gmt":"2021-02-05T22:03:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/?p=1541"},"modified":"2021-03-02T21:48:22","modified_gmt":"2021-03-03T05:48:22","slug":"how-to-spark-powerful-chemistry-through-simple-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/how-to-spark-powerful-chemistry-through-simple-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Spark Powerful Chemistry Through Simple Conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"

Practicing the art and science of bonding through talking<\/h2>\n

Have you ever met someone and instantly clicked?\u00a0\u00a0Most of us have.\u00a0\u00a0Thinking back, what created the spark? \u00a0Most likely it was a combination of topic, tone, and tenor,\u00a0but it no doubt happened within a verbal exchange. \u00a0Conversation is\u00a0one of the easiest ways to connect. \u00a0Although\u00a0not everyone likes to talk.\u00a0\u00a0Some people are\u00a0shy<\/a>, aloof, emotionally distant, or otherwise unapproachable. \u00a0You may\u00a0have tried (unsuccessfully) for years to soften up a standoffish employee at the office, only to hit it off instantly with a stranger at the airport. Apparently, familiarity is not the deciding factor. \u00a0What is?\u00a0\u00a0Research has some answers.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s Talk: Topics and Tactics<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because chemistry is created through conversation, topics matter.\u00a0\u00a0Whether you are seeking to cultivate a relationship personally or professionally, successful ice breakers are questions the other person actually wants to answer.\u00a0\u00a0Thankfully, there are some tried and true safe harbors within the subject spectrum.<\/p>\n

Unless there are significant privacy concerns, asking about someone\u2019s children is a relatively safe subject that prompts people to open up \u2014 usually with great enthusiasm.\u00a0\u00a0And in terms of\u00a0furthering a pleasurable exchange, listening to a gushing recitation of an eldest son\u2019s football\u00a0career<\/a>, or a daughter\u2019s promotion at work, gives you an abundance of information to follow up on.<\/p>\n

But creating chemistry requires more than pleasurable topics.\u00a0\u00a0Consider how much more than words are exchanged when two people are talking.\u00a0\u00a0Pace, tone,\u00a0body language<\/a>, facial expression, and emotion.\u00a0\u00a0We form interpersonal bonds and build rapport nonverbally in many different situations \u2014 with many different types of people. Research corroborates these observations.<\/p>\n

Chemistry Goes Beyond Content<\/strong><\/p>\n

Namkje Koudenburg et al. (2017) studied the impact of conversational form, beyond its content, on the emergence and regulation of social structure.[i]\u00a0\u00a0They recognize the importance of social interaction to the formation of social relationships and groups.\u00a0\u00a0Acknowledging widespread knowledge about the importance of conversational content, they focused on how the\u00a0act\u00a0of conversing, regardless of the content, impacts a sense of solidarity. They note that conversation micro-characteristics such as smooth turn-taking and brief silences have the potential to significantly impact relationship regulation and a sense of solidarity. The researchers\u00a0opine this result. Conversation form represents group social structure and provides a continuous assessment of group norms, hierarchy, and shared reality.\u00a0But there\u2019s more.<\/p>\n

On the\u00a0Same Wavelength<\/strong><\/p>\n

Koudenburg et al. cite previous research in recognizing that we validate our viewpoints by exchanging information with other people.\u00a0\u00a0Yet they note that a sense of shared reality does not emerge merely through information exchange or comparing opinions, it is created through a subjective experience of smooth conversation flow\u2014because of the visceral sensation of being on the same wavelength.<\/p>\n

Accordingly, we should be more successful in connecting with others when discussing matters of mutual interest.\u00a0Think this through beforehand when you are seeking to make a good impression, you no doubt have some type of interest in common with everyone.\u00a0\u00a0Breaking the ice with strategically selected (safe) subjects will spark both conversation and chemistry.<\/p>\n

The Role of Rapport<\/strong><\/p>\n

Other research adds an additional layer to the chemistry analysis, discussing the importance of building rapport.\u00a0Zachary\u00a0G<\/a>. Baker et al. (2020) explain that rapport plays an important role in satisfying basic psychological needs.[ii]\u00a0They describe rapport as positively linked to liking,\u00a0cooperation<\/a>, self-disclosure, and affiliation.\u00a0\u00a0In their research, Baker et al. found rapport independently predicted need satisfaction in the areas of autonomy, competence, and relatedness.<\/p>\n

Also, of interest, Baker et al. found that the relationships between interaction partners did not moderate the resulting associations. This last point is of particular interest when attempting to build relationships with acquaintances or even strangers; rapport is not only possible, but also a powerful way to bond socially.<\/p>\n

The bottom line appears to be that as we trial attorneys know after years of questioning witnesses, it\u2019s not just what you say but how you say it.\u00a0The same applies to sparking chemistry through\u00a0conversation.\u00a0Topic, tone, and tenor have the potential to become relational building blocks,\u00a0allowing you to authentically connect with\u00a0anyone.<\/p>\n

\n

References<\/strong>[i] Koudenburg, Namkje, Tom Postmes, and Ernestine H. Gordijn. 2017. \u201cBeyond Content of Conversation: The Role of Conversational Form in the Emergence and Regulation of Social Structure.\u201d Personality and Social Psychology Review 21 (1): 50\u201371. doi:10.1177\/1088868315626022.<\/p>\n

[ii] Baker, Zachary G., Emily M. Watlington, and C. Raymond Knee. 2020. \u201cThe Role of Rapport in Satisfying One\u2019s Basic Psychological Needs.\u201d Motivation and Emotion, January. doi:10.1007\/s11031-020-09819-5.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Practicing the art and science of bonding through talking Have you ever met someone and instantly clicked?\u00a0\u00a0Most of us have.\u00a0\u00a0Thinking back, what created the spark? \u00a0Most likely it was a combination of topic, tone, and tenor,\u00a0but it no doubt happened …<\/p>\nContinue reading<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1542,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1541","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-friends"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Spark Powerful Chemistry Through Simple Conversation - My Juggler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/how-to-spark-powerful-chemistry-through-simple-conversation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Spark Powerful Chemistry Through Simple Conversation - 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