{"id":3592,"date":"2021-08-09T06:08:03","date_gmt":"2021-08-09T13:08:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/?p=3592"},"modified":"2021-08-09T06:08:03","modified_gmt":"2021-08-09T13:08:03","slug":"a-psychotherapist-says-parents-who-raise-confident-mentally-strong-kids-always-do-these-3-things-when-praising-their-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/a-psychotherapist-says-parents-who-raise-confident-mentally-strong-kids-always-do-these-3-things-when-praising-their-children\/","title":{"rendered":"A psychotherapist says parents who raise confident, mentally strong kids always do these 3 things when praising their children"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

As parents, we want our kids to\u00a0feel good about themselves<\/a>, so we try to praise them as much as possible.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing.\u00a0Research<\/a> shows that there are benefits to praising kids. A simple compliment can generate self-worth and pride. However, it depends on what kind of praise we give, as well as when and how frequently.<\/p>\n

As a psychotherapist who works with parents and children, I\u2019ve seen over and over again the negative effects of overpraising a child\u2019s talent or outcome (\u201cThis looks amazing!\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re so handsome!\u201d \u201cGood job!\u201d).<\/p>\n

But these short, exaggerated reactions can cause kids to only focus on things that may harm their self-esteem. They might feel performance anxiety (\u201cIf I get this answer wrong, I am dumb\u201d), for example, or believe that they are only appreciated for their appearance (\u201cWhat if people think I look weird in this shirt? Then they won\u2019t love me\u201d).<\/p>\n

So should you praise your kids at all? Of course. But there are right and wrong ways to give praise. Here\u2019s what parents of confident, self-motivated and\u00a0mentally strong<\/a>\u00a0kids always do:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

1. They praise the process<\/h2>\n
\n

When you praise the process (e.g., the kid putting effort into a math assignment), instead of the talent or outcome (e.g., the kid\u2019s natural ability to solve math problems quickly), kids are\u00a0more likely<\/a>\u00a0to develop a positive attitude toward future challenges.<\/p>\n

In the 1990s,\u00a0Carol S. Dweck<\/a>, a professor of psychology at Stanford\u2019s Graduate School of Education, studied the effects of these types of praises. In\u00a0one experiment<\/a>, a group of children was told they were successful because they were smart, while the second group was told they were successful because they worked hard.<\/p>\n

When the two groups were given a variety of puzzles, children in the second group were more likely to choose a harder puzzle. Dweck also found that praising the process made them more likely to feel confident in a task even if they made a mistake.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

2. They never make it a competition<\/h2>\n
\n

Parents love to compare \u2014 we can\u2019t help it! And sometimes, we\u2019ll even tell our kids that they\u2019re better than others (\u201cYou scored more goals than all your teammates combined!\u201d).<\/p>\n

Often, it\u2019s done with good intentions. We want them to feel as proud as we do, and to be motivated to do even better the next time … but for all the wrong reasons.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not healthy to be trapped in a vicious cycle of competition. Social comparisons can teach kids to always measure success based on the outcomes of other people.<\/p>\n

Even worse,\u00a0according to research<\/a>, giving kids praise in terms of comparison, in some cases, can cultivate narcissism, attention-seeking behavior and a lack of teamwork values.<\/p>\n

The better approach? Encourage them to compare their past efforts with their present efforts, rather than with other people. This gets them into the habit of shifting their goals away from being better than everyone else and toward self-improvement.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

3. They use observational language<\/h2>\n
\n

Instead of saying, \u201cThat\u2019s so good!\u201d, you may want to say, \u201cI love the colors in your painting. Tell me more about why you chose them.\u201d (This is what it means to praise the process.)<\/p>\n

Another example: Instead of saying, \u201cYou looked like a pro riding that bike!,\u201d parents of motivated kids might say something like, \u201cYou were so careful and focused while riding your bike. Even when you wobbled a bit and almost fell off, you kept going! That was cool to watch.\u201d<\/p>\n

These simple language tweaks can help your kids feel proud of themselves for putting effort into something. It can also make them more excited to take on more challenging things in the future.<\/p>\n

Lastly, it\u2019s important to create an environment of emotional safety. If your child failed a spelling test, refrain from telling them they should have studied harder. Instead, ask them what they think they can do to improve next time.<\/p>\n

Kids need to know that they can come to their parents not just when they\u2019ve done something well, but also when they are struggling with a specific task or challenge.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As parents, we want our kids to\u00a0 feel good about themselves<\/a> , so we try to praise them as much as possible. That\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing.\u00a0 Research<\/a> shows that there are benefits to praising kids. A simple compliment can generate self-worth and pride. …<\/p>\nContinue reading<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3593,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-friends"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nA psychotherapist says parents who raise confident, mentally strong kids always do these 3 things when praising their children - My Juggler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/a-psychotherapist-says-parents-who-raise-confident-mentally-strong-kids-always-do-these-3-things-when-praising-their-children\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A psychotherapist says parents who raise confident, mentally strong kids always do these 3 things when praising their children - My Juggler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As parents, we want our kids to\u00a0 feel good about themselves , so we try to praise them as much as possible. 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