{"id":976,"date":"2020-10-18T07:46:21","date_gmt":"2020-10-18T14:46:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/?p=976"},"modified":"2020-11-24T09:06:41","modified_gmt":"2020-11-24T17:06:41","slug":"a-documentarian-finds-the-perfect-solution-to-happiness-what-happened-when-he-faked-his-own-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/a-documentarian-finds-the-perfect-solution-to-happiness-what-happened-when-he-faked-his-own-death\/","title":{"rendered":"A Documentarian Finds the Perfect Solution to Happiness \u2014 What Happened When He Faked His Own Death"},"content":{"rendered":"

Too much going on, but feeling like you never have enough. Overscheduled. Overworked. Overwhelmed. Overstressed.<\/p>\n

\n

While this past year has only made emotional exhaustion even more acute, burnout\u00a0was already a crisis long before the pandemic. That\u2019s why, early last year, when I started brainstorming ideas for my\u00a0HBO Max<\/a>\u00a0docuseries about happiness<\/a>, I knew I had to do an episode on work-life balance.<\/p>\n

There I was on the other side of 40 \u2014 a new husband, a new dad, and realizing I didn\u2019t really have space for these new roles in my life. In fact, when I became a father, I figured I should probably work even\u00a0more to support my family. That turned out to be a bad move.<\/p>\n

I was in Montreal filming a movie at the time, working on my eight other projects whenever I wasn\u2019t on set. It basically rendered my wife a single mom. We were both burned out, and the little time we had together was spent fighting about things that the other person wasn\u2019t doing.<\/p>\n

One day, I woke up and just started typing my emotions into a Google Doc. stream of consciousness stream. So many words.\u00a0Oooh, now I\u2019m saying all these things I didn\u2019t even know I was feeling!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
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At the very top, in all-caps, were the words: \u201cI AM SO UNHAPPY.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n

But the best part of that journal entry was the first sentence. It was something I had never said to myself \u2014 the kind of statement I was immune to because I always believed in being \u201cstrong\u201d and \u201coptimistic\u201d no matter what, even though I was actually miserable. There it was, at the very top, in all-caps, those words: \u201cI AM SO UNHAPPY.\u201d<\/p>\n

I guess you could call that my \u201cJerry McGuire\u201d moment. Breakdown. Breakthrough.<\/p>\n

The next day, I called my therapist, Janice. I told her how I felt overwhelmed. I love working, and I love creating new projects, and now more than ever, I felt like I needed to earn more money. But I also wanted to find a way to be home more, to spend time with my wife and daughter. I wanted to have fun again. At some point, adulthood had become a burden.<\/p>\n

About a month later, one of my best friends, Matt Pohlson, came over for dinner. I told him what I was going through, and he confided in me. \u201cDude, me too,\u201d he said. While Matt\u2019s circumstances were different, we realized that we both were at our low points. We had invested all of our self-esteem into work.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when things became clear: The mountain that we keep trying to climb every day might never actually reach a peak. We were tired as hell and feeling like there was no end in sight. I would later discover that we were suffering from something called \u201cworkaholism.\u201d Most of our friends have it (and you probably do, too).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
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\n
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Attending your own funeral is life-affirming. You realize what really matters. You picture the people who will miss you the most. You see how they were affected.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n

I asked Matt to join me on a trip for my docuseries, to South Korea, a country that was also\u00a0experiencing a work-life balance crisis<\/a>. What was once one of the poorest countries shifted into overdrive to become one of the\u00a0greatest economic comebacks of the last 50 years<\/a>. But the downside? Workaholism and\u00a0staggering levels of depression and suicide<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In Seoul, there\u2019s even a bridge that\u2019s affectionately referred to as the \u201cDeath Bridge.\u201d To address the issue of high suicide, the government put up\u00a0positive, uplifting statements along the guardrails<\/a>,\u00a0hoping to change to someone\u2019s mind:\u00a0\u201cHow are you doing?\u201d \u201cTomorrow\u2019s sun will rise.\u201d \u201cGo see the ones you miss.\u201d \u201cHow would you like to be remembered as a father?\u201d Beneath the statements are pictures of delicious meals.\u00a0The logic is that great food make us happy and reminds us of our family.<\/p>\n

But the most innovative approach we saw was a concept called the \u201cdeath cafe.\u201d It\u2019s pretty simple \u2014 you pay to act out your own funeral.<\/p>\n

When Matt and I arrived at the cafe, we received a form to write our own eulogies.\u00a0There was a waiting room of other people in line to \u201cfake die.\u201d Someone came by and took our pictures to put over the caskets.<\/p>\n

Then, a guy dressed as the grim reaper appeared (that\u2019s not an exaggeration \u2014 he wore all black and a tall, pointy hat). \u201cIf you only had six months left, would you live your life the same way you did yesterday?\u201d he asked, while walking us to our caskets.\u00a0We climbed inside. The doors closed. Silence. And there I was, in complete darkness.<\/p>\n

A bell rang after 10 minutes, and we all sat up.\u00a0One by one, we read our eulogies out loud:<\/p>\n

\u201cMom, dad, Geeta,\u00a0Mahaley, Amelie, Everyone … I once read a Buddhist philosopher who said, the measure of one\u2019s happiness in life is the extent to which, by the time he\u2019s passed, he\u2019s contributed to evolution. I hope your lives are better as a result of having me. I know mine was better because of you. I had so much fun. Laughing. Loving. Crying. God, I\u2019m just so lucky. I love you all so much. I\u2019ll miss you … but maybe not, because dead people don\u2019t have feelings. Bye, Rav.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

We laughed. We cried. It was a life-changing journey \u2014 and probably my favorite scene in the series. I want you to experience it for yourself, so I\u2019d rather not give too much of it away.<\/p>\n

But I will tell you this: Attending your own funeral is life-affirming. It changes your perspective on happiness. You realize what really matters. You picture the people who will miss you the most. You see how they were affected. Why they were affected. Work doesn\u2019t come up at all. All people remember is how you made them feel.<\/p>\n

Perhaps our funeral is the culmination of the work that really matters.<\/p>\n

In a sense, the way you live your life can be, in effect, a true reflection of the eulogy that\u2019s perfect for you \u2014 so perfect, in fact, that you couldn\u2019t have written it any better yourself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Too much going on, but feeling like you never have enough. Overscheduled. Overworked. Overwhelmed. Overstressed. While this past year has only made emotional exhaustion even more acute, burnout\u00a0was already a crisis long before the pandemic. That\u2019s why, early last year, …<\/p>\nContinue reading<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1198,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-friends"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nA Documentarian Finds the Perfect Solution to Happiness \u2014 What Happened When He Faked His Own Death - My Juggler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/a-documentarian-finds-the-perfect-solution-to-happiness-what-happened-when-he-faked-his-own-death\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Documentarian Finds the Perfect Solution to Happiness \u2014 What Happened When He Faked His Own Death - My Juggler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Too much going on, but feeling like you never have enough. 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