{"id":994,"date":"2020-10-18T08:06:00","date_gmt":"2020-10-18T15:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/?p=994"},"modified":"2020-10-18T19:44:06","modified_gmt":"2020-10-19T02:44:06","slug":"a-relationship-secret-of-the-happiest-couples-new-research","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myjuggler.com\/a-relationship-secret-of-the-happiest-couples-new-research\/","title":{"rendered":"A Relationship Secret of the Happiest Couples: New Research"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why do some relationships look so promising, yet dissolve over time? And why do others, whose partners seem hopelessly mismatched, grow stronger? Much research has tried to identify the individual characteristics that make for a successful relationship, including\u00a0how couples deal with conflict or communicate. All shed some light on what may underlie relationship success. But a\u00a0new study of over 11,000 couples<\/a>\u00a0reveals a key ingredient that\u2019s easily overlooked or ignored \u2014 and it\u2019s the major predictor of relationship\u00a0happiness<\/a>, romantic\u00a0intimacy<\/a>, and connection.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not how well two prospective partners matched up on a\u00a0dating<\/a>\u00a0site. It\u2019s not about\u00a0personality<\/a>\u00a0features, personal history, or interests. These do play a role in predicting long-term relationship success, but the study found they play a much smaller role than one might think.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s the \u201cSecret?\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Simply put, the research found that strongest predictor is the kind of relationship the partners create together, over time. That is, the\u00a0quality<\/em>\u00a0of the relationship they experience transcends individual traits or characteristics in predicting the couple\u2019s happiness over time.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0study, from Canada\u2019s Western University,<\/a>\u00a0was based on a different kind of analysis of information from\u00a043 studies of the 11,000 couples. As lead author\u00a0Samantha Joel stated,<\/a>\u00a0\u201cIt suggests that the person we choose is not nearly as important as the relationship we build.\u201d It’s the overall way the partners relate\u00a0to each other. The research shows, she adds, that “the dynamic that you build with someone \u2014 the shared norms, the in-jokes, the shared experiences \u2014 is so much more than the separate individuals who make up that relationship.”<\/p>\n

The study looked at individual characteristics that you might assume to be the most important predictors of a happy relationship, like the individual partner\u2019s feelings about their life situation, their tendency toward\u00a0anxiety<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0depression<\/a>, their\u00a0attachment<\/a>\u00a0pattern, or whether their parents had a stable\u00a0marriage<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0divorce<\/a>. Those factors can have a negative impact on the relationship, of course. But the research found that they were much less significant for happiness than the actual pattern of the ongoing relationship \u2014 that is,\u00a0how they interact, and how each feels about the interaction. The pleasure and enjoyment of just being together.<\/p>\n

That core feature\u00a0includes, for example:<\/p>\n